THE DISCIPLINE ERA CONTINUES!
The Philly Pies are Back-to-Back ILB Champions! Not satisfied with Season 1’s historic, undefeated Postseason run, the proud pastries went back for seconds, continuing their undefeated streak all the way to their second Evil League pennant. The Good League Champion Shoe Thieves managed to snag Game 1, handing Philly their first-ever playoff loss, but that only seemed to wake the bats up, as the Pies won the next 3 to be crowned once more. Do we smell a PieNasty cooking? Could they reach three Internet Series wins? What happens then?
Whatever happens, it certainly won’t be easy. Although the Pies were blessed with improved defense, they were dealt a major blow as the surging Hades Tigers pulled off the steal of the Postseason, snagging Regular Season MVP Jessica Telephone and limiting her time in Philly to only a year. The soldier of fortune Telephone expressed deep gratitude for all of Pie nation, but seems ready to lead the Tigers out of their recent Postseason slumps.
Speaking of which, where were you when Comfort Septemberish stole home?! In one of the all-time great splorts comebacks, Comfort Septemberish stole 4th base in the bottom of the 9th in Round 1’s elimination game, leading to a 2-run blast that sealed the upset for the Jazz Hands and delivered Hades another 1st Round exit.
Hades wasn’t the only hellscape to receive divine grace. The long-struggling Millennials swapped the souls of their worst players, shattering their minds but bringing some serious depth to the lineup. The last place Lovers turned to the summoning circle for some serious help, offering the team up as vessels for the nameless ones. The fire rises.
Fridays fans armed their youngster York Silk wield the Legendary Gunblade Bat, while Breath Mint Axel Trololol watched his arm transform into a literal cannon. He’ll never write again.
Blaseball officials were heartened to see increased turnout in this season’s election. Fans voted to grant the bottom four teams an additional strike, which should really shake things up in Season 3. The overwhelming vote went to Peanuts, which appears to have inflicted some sort of “Peanut Plague” on us all. There is hope that we might complete this First Labour and atone.
Also, the ticker appears to be sentient.
If you want more exciting #blaseball action, the machines must be made bigger. So visit the Patreon to ditch the nosebleeds and get exclusive access to the Bloodhouse!
And a big, big thank you goes out to our friends at Yes Plz Coffee for Sponsoring Seasons 1 and 2! More exciting Sponsors on the way. Everything is for sale! Everything.
Chaos Reigns. Play Ball.